I'm a wife, mommy but I'm still a "me"

A lot has happened since I wrote last! I got a job in January at Luv-n-Care. Lucas loves it! Didn't even cry on his first day! I'm in the infant room. Oh how I love being in a room full of babies. We are wrapping up our final year here in San Antonio and I truly have fallin head over heels for this place! It will be hard to say good bye. We got penciled in for orders to Gaeta, !!! I'm excited about out new adventure that awaits us and thrilled to get the opportunity to see the world!

I choose to leap with joy!

Never in a million years did I think that I would be diagnosed with a condition that not only is harmless and I've had my whole life but yet heartbreaking. Because this condition, pelvic kidney, has stunted the development of my reproductive organs, thus leaving me with infertility
issue! And if I was to manage to get pregnant I will would be a high risk pregnancy?! Go figure! I was given such beautiful pregnancy with Lucas it is almost unbelievable. I was made for this! No one can truly grasp my desire to bare children, to have a big family, I've wanted these things since I was a girl. The only joy I have right now is knowing God is making me a stronger person because of this and He has a beautiful plan for me and my family. Oh how I wished I cherished moments more and complained less lol during my pregnancy. I wish I took more pictures. But I will hug my child, carry my child, rock my child, be thankful for my beautiful baby Lucas everyday without ceasing I will give thanks to our Heavenly Father. Somehow, I am happy... Somehow I choose to see the good. That somehow is knowing that God takes care of us. And as far as I'm concerned Lucas is my little miracle baby.

The dreaded wait!!!

So Thursday I should start my period! This results in the longest week! Praying, hoping, letting the hurt go. God has blessing for me. I just have to... Wait...

Why is making a baby so trivial

Timing... Temperature.... Position... Marination... Everyday... Every other day... Not too much... Not too little... It only takes one little guy right o.O

Thoughts with my morning coffee...

I have so many thoughts in my head... I'd like to think most if them are positive even through the dark times. Like saying, "God's going to get me through this!" if I write that on Facebook everyone is texting me wondering if I'm okay... Shoot, sometimes I tell myself that about the average day! Today is the last day my mom and dad are going to be married... Divorcing after 27 years of marriage! Some moments it rips out my heart in anguish. What is all the years I remember? All the happy times... Lies... So my whole family has these problems. I don't have anything wrong I have no pain in my life. I'm okay in my family's eyes... But, this month marks 15 months til we move and face a deployment and only God knows where. And it takes nine months to make a baby... Lord, you're cutting it a little close don't ya think?! Off to do some dishes :)

I want to be happy

But I'm allowed to want more... I'm allowed to be sad! And that doesn't mean I'm not grateful or thankful... It just means I'm human and I have drive and a calling from God.

Duty day and Merlot just go hand n hand

Everyone asks, "What is duty day?" Its a day where your husband has to work through the night. I whine about it now on shore duty, but on a ship it's every five days!

I had so much fun with Lucas today and yet today I sadness and darkness looming over me. But let's talk about to good part of the day. I woke up and had a meal bar and coffee and fixed Lucas some toast and milk. I did some chores and while taking Daisy, our lab, outside Lucas discovered it was cold outside and he became very intrigued and amused by this. Giggling and running in and out in just his underwear and and pj top. So, I decided to bundle him up and let him run around the back yard. Since, thankfully, daddy mowed the backyard!

After playing in the backyard for a couple hours I thought it would be nice if I made some homemade cocoa. So I did. It was lukewarm when I gave Lucas a drink and he spit it out on the floor! I thought it was too hot or he didn't like it but neither was the case! He said, "nummy hot!" I had the get the video camera out and video him talking about the hot chocolate.

As for the darkness looming over my day, it's been one year and one month since we have been trying to convince and I want to focus on the beautiful son I have but I have always wanted a big family and some days there is this emptiness inside.